Don't love you the same anymore. 

I was missing you today,

Still am, still do,

I was thinking of you just now,

Still am, still thinking,

I miss you,

I miss you dearly.

Thinking of how it began,

All by a simple note,

Just a simple sentence,

It all started when I realized I miss you,

It happened when I pen those words,

What was it again?

Ah...yes...

It was 'I think, I think, I miss you.'

Sweet memories,

Sweet thoughts,

Those were the days,

And now they are long gone.

So here I am,

Wondering about us,

Thinking about us,

Missing you dearly,

And I thought to myself,

'Do I still miss you like that?'

'Do I still love you like that?'

Pre-wedding MV

Directed, filmed & edited by Byran Kouju Studio. Enjoy!!!

Pre-Wedding Photography (Part 2)

The wedding is finally over and now only I have the time to blog about the preparations. Better be late than never, right? Hahaha. Many that have seen my prewedding pictures came asking me about it. Ok, I shall talk about it here. 

Your 10th day husband

Love,

Love is seeing all another's imperfections and still saying,

"I love you"

Love is not counting another's wrongs and mistakes,

Love is hearing all the person has to say and then say,

"I still love you"

Love is always hoping that the other party is blessed,

Love means that there will sometimes be heartaches,

Yet knowing in your heart,

She's the one that you have chosen to love.

Love is accepting the whole person,

Love is knowing flaws and problems but saying,

"I love you"

Loving someone ain't easy,

But same goes to another loving you,

Love is not something that you deserve,

Love is undeserved,

Love is given and accepted freely,

Love is invaluable. 

Love is of grace,

It is indeed by grace,

Only by grace that I say this,

"I love you, Carmen Ng Wai Yin"

Loving you always,

Loving you forever more,

Your lover,

Your husband for 10 days and counting,

Sincerely,

Jer Wei

There He is.....He is Jesus

It will never be enough,
There is nothing more that I can do,
It is a lost cause,
I wouldn't be able to repay.

My debt too high,
My crime too deep,
I cannot repay,
All mine good is filthy rags.

It will never be enough,
I have nothing to give,
Broken and poor,
I cannot compensate.

Our Childhood Montage

A short clip of our childhood and courtship. Specially produced for the wedding dinner reception by yours truly. Enjoy :)

xoxo, 
Carmen

His Word.....The Bible....

How do I put it into perspective this thing called life?

How can I let my words do justice in life?

How should I let my actions perform now?

How would I express my longings?

wedding DIY

I was looking at some chic ring pillows and flower baskets on Etsy. Guess what? A simple looking ring pillow can easily cost RM70. Everything about wedding is seriously expensive. I gave up finding for an affordable one and decided to DIY instead. 

Eat. Snap. Shop @ Bangkok (Part 2)

A reader recently asked me what happened to the continuation of my blog post on the previous Bangkok trip. Haha. It was then that I realised I did not post up any more write ups on Bangkok after the first one. Hahaha...pardon me for that. I was pretty busy moving houses after the first write up on Bangkok trip. Thank goodness I still have the detailed itinerary and hundreds of photos in my computer. Else, I don't think I can recall much to write for this post. 

I am a Christian!

He is the one and only,

He never fairs,

He does not stumble,

He is all lovely and fair,

There is none like Him!

He is the chosen one,

The only man that was born so that He dies,

When God made man, 

He made them immortal,

Man sinned and became mortal,

But when God sent Jesus,

He sent Him knowing He has to be.

Prewedding photography (Part 1)

Many do not believe that JW & I did not actually do much prior research on pre-wedding photographers and bridal galleries before we engaged Lucas Ting & Memories Bridal Gallery (MBG) for our pre-wedding photography. In fact, we did not visit any bridal gallery (not even MBG) nor did we check out any other pre-wedding photography packages before signing up with MBG. Guess what...we have not even heard of Lucas Ting back then!! 

The wedding planning

More than a year ago, JW popped the question and I said YES!! Since then, we have been very busy planning and budgeting for the big day. Hmm..it's more like me doing most of the planning as JW is way too busy with work, on call, locum and revision for his MRCS exam.  Well, I am more than happy to be the big boss in the planning process...haha, I admit I could be quite a bridezilla...

Forever Saved

John 10:27-30

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father , which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand. I and my Father are one.

Murals from Saint Micheal's church Sandakan

My lovely lady....

A photo I took when we went on our very first trip together, I remember the spirit, the joy, the excitement and the love....

This was taken at some back alleyway,
Well, a photo speaks a thousand words....

To many many more days my love, my sweetheart,
To many many more adventures together,
Me and you, 
Adventure is out there!!

Snippets of our love affair,
Jer Wei

PS : To my readers out there,
Ain't she a beaut??

One step at a time.

Lately, I have been blessed with a renewed sense of His love for me, I am reading my bible more consistently, been spending a little more time with Jesus, and have been depending on Him a little bit more, it has been awesome so far. It's humbling, yes, but ever so peaceful to spend time with my Lord and Saviour.

If you do not know by now already, I have been in the surgical department for some time now, almost one year as a medical officer and lately I have been thinking about the opportunities this line of work brings to me. Do I advance by getting into the masters program? Do I take an external exam? And if it is yes to any of those questions, how do I go about it?

I have chosen to love.

This is dedicated to the one I love,

Again it's been a while since I last wrote for you my love,
It has been quite a little some time,
It seems that there was just no time,
No time that we have not been not together. 

Indeed, it has been some time since,
Since I have some time that I can spend on me own,
Time that I was not lethargic,
Time that I was not busy,
Time that I was not too much into something.

Well then,
Let me first say that,
Baby girl, I love you,
Never have been a day that I go on without me knowing this,
Never a day not knowing that I love you.

A little bit better.

Today has been a little different for me,
Today I woke up a little more motivated,
A little more alert,
A little more excited,
More galvanised.

I don't know why, 
There seems to be no reason,
Smiled a little bit more today,
Having fun a little more,
Just overall a little bit better.

Priorities

I want to try out a new routine in life. One that involves lesser sleep and more of productive time. I find that, now more than often, that sleep is a super luxury and that not everyone can afford it, that sleep sometimes can be too time consuming and unproductive. Sleep is definitely a blessing in disguise that so much so, we take it for granted. Do we really sleep when we sleep?

Taking some time to reflect

Lately I have been hit with 'giving the glory to Jesus' bug, I was force to look at my life critically and been made to wonder if I have put Him in the center of my life, whether my life gives him glory and honor, whether I have been faithful to the calling He has for me.

I am faced with some challenging situations which I have handled terribly, lost my cool, been hit with some failures and weaknesses. I see the state that I am in for real. Man, it is an eye opener.

Dramatically been increasing.

It's difficult to like someone,
It's fairly easy to adore someone,
It's easy to love someone,
It's elementary to fall in love.

Having you in my arms,
Staring into your eyes,
The lights dimmed,
Some purple, some yellowish.

Purple is the color of royalty,
And yellow, oh yellow,
That's the color of glory,
What colors, oh what is symbolizes.

I see you looking back,
Your gaze piercing into my soul,
And I started to broaden me lips,
Yes I started to smile.

Oh what wonders a smile can do,
It radiates the light,
It reflect the colors,
And I see you smiling back,
It melts my heart,
Oh it makes my soul yearn.

It's been sometime since we last looked into each others eyes,
I am glad,
My heart overjoyed,
My nerves calm,
That the magic is still there,
No, that the magic has been quietly,
Yes ever so quietly,
Dramatically been increasing.

PS: I love you and I am so in love with you.

Jer Wei

Better man when you are around

Days gone by,
Feeling lethargic, not up to standards,
Not tip top, drowsy and unmotivated,
I guess we all go through these days.

Days of a weakened state,
Cannot be explained,
Just not up for it,
Just not wanting to move,
Just want to remain stagnant.

He will teach me...

Just a little something something,
Just a breath away,
Always a thought away,
A click away,
Yet physically far, but near at heart.

Love is....

Love has been given many definitions,
It has gone through some tough times,
Love has been misunderstood,
It has been misused, mistreated, misinterpreted.

Now, Love shouldn't be different in the eyes of different,
It shan't be for one A and for another B,
Love was, Love is, and Love always will be,
One and only, 
One definition to define truth, reality, actuality.

Nike!

Just finished a round of exercise,
Am sweating,
Mind alert and fresh,
Brimming with energy,
Burning away calories.

Listening to 'hosanna',
Heart praising Jesus,
So here I am,
Getting my creative juices running.

Want to write more,
It's been sometime,
Don't know what happened,
But going to recultivate the habit,
Need to pen more,
Can't stop.

Just write,
Just pen,
Just express,
Nike!!

Jer Wei

I choose you, I love you.

It's been a long time since I had the chance to write,
Have been looking for an opportunity,
Have been searching for some time,
Yea, it's been a while since words became poems.

This is for the one I love,
This is for my dearest girl,
This is to out a smile on her,
This is to warm her heart,
This is written only for her,
This is written so she knows.

Time alone.

Time alone,

Just some time alone to rest, 

Enough to do some thinking,

Enough to make some dreams,

Build some castles,

Some time to just be quiet and appreciate calmness.

Time alone,

What's it really but not just sometime to absorb in,

Really, it's just internal monologues most of the time,

Time to just do nothing,

Just time passing,

Just time going by and by.

I love you...truly, madly, deeply.

I clearly remember how it all begin,
Our first phone call, though it didn's start and end well,
The cold shoulders we give each other during ward rounds,
Secretly, you caught my eye,
I was looking and staring,
All from the corner of me eye.

Then came the day when I went to church,
Then came the first time we shook hands,
The first time when you sat opposite me,
The first time our eyes met,
It's like you saw through me,
It's like you I was vulnerable before you.

We hit it off from the start,
My feelings for you grew with every passing moment,
Before i knew it, I had fallen for you,
Before I knew it, you were always on my mind,
Before I was ready, I became ready.

And now looking back at the beginning,
On this valentine,
I realise that I so love you,
I know that you are...
Surely you are,
The love of my life.

For you my Carmen dear,
I love you truly, madly, deeply,
Jer Wei

Something terrible has happen to me...sigh...

I thought by now I would be used to it,
I thought that it should have been routine,
I thought I would not feel terrible again,
I thought it will be a breeze, a walk in the park,
I thought all these things and it turns out.....

I am not used to it,
It is still not routine,
Surely not a walk in the park,
Definitely not a breeze,
It is tough,
It is difficult,
It makes me dull.

Never knew it would be still so bad,
The bitter taste I the mouth,
The lousy feeling,
The butterflies in the stomach,
The nauseating feeling,
Such is the state of things.

It is food gone bad,
It is the gall's bitterness,
It's rotten fish,
It's lousy fruits.

I guess I just underestimated it,
Again and again I falter,
I stumble.

It's a terrible thing,
It's an awful thing,
It's an unpleasant event,
It is you darling,
It is you not being close to me,
It is knowing that when I go home, my eyes are not laid upon you,
It is you and you and you, not here.

Dearest Carmen,
I miss you,
I miss you terribly,
I miss you awfully,
I bitterly and sorely miss you.

For you dearie,
For you only,
Jer Wei

Love, kindness, mercy and grace.

It's His love,
It's His kindness,
It's His mercy,
It's His grace.

He loves me so,
His kindness to me is everlasting,
His mercies endure forever,
His grace continually flowing.

He loves me when I am unworthy,
He is kind when I am not,
He is merciful when I stumble and fall,
He is graceful when I sin against Him.

Finally I know,
It is against Him and Him only when I sin,
I answer to Him and to Him only,
But alas, I have with me a counsellor,
An advocate that stands with me.

Oh His mercies and grace forever endures,
His blood justifies me,
His blood clothed me in blood,
Making me white as snow,
There is no spot that He sees,
He sees the blood that was shed.

Yes, even to the thousand generation His mercies endures,
Yes, my sins He does not count against me,
He had made anew the one in me,
He, even He will not remember my sins.

I am forever righteous in His sight,
He is the one and only,
He is the alpha and omega,
He is Aleph and Tav,
He is the beginning and the end,
I love Him...

For the one who died for me,
For my Advocate,
For my Lover,
Jer Wei

Purpose to spend time with Daddy.

Acts 11:23 ....exhorted them all, that with purpose of heart they would cleave unto the Lord.

Lately, I have been faced with this awareness of spending my time with the Lord, spending time with majestic Daddy, just resting in Him and getting into His word, listening and hearing the words of life. The bible, His inspired word.

I noticed that the more I spend my time with Him, the more I change, my thoughts, my mindset, my drive, my purpose, my will and wants, it's as if I am being reseted into His image, truly His words are life and magical, how it manages to offset the change I do not understand nor comprehend, all I know now is this, that I am truly being transformed into the image of the Son He loves. And I feel all this is effortlessly.

I get married... ^^

This will be the year,

The year that is marked by my Lord,

The year of abundance,

Abundance in everything,

Abundance of time,

Abundance of finances,

Abundance of energy,

Abundance of LIFE!

Yea, it is He who works for my good,

Yea, He is the one that has gotten me victory,

Yea, He is, He is, He is the I am...

Resting in Jesus.

Surely God does not want you to be uncomfortable. His stance is a stance of resting in Him, it is to allow us to claim all the promises of The Father that is already fulfilled in Christ Jesus. He wants us to draw all from Him, he does not want us to strive to live, does not want us to be uncomfortable in life.

He wants us not to be uncomfortable, He wants us to be in the most comfortable zone, which is in His arms of love. Do not for once think that Jesus wants you to be out of your true comfort zone! In fact, He wants you always to be in it!! He leads you by peace, the Holy Spirit leads you by and in peace, so how does that translate to the Father wanting you to be out of your comfort zone? No!! He wants you to be translated to the Kingdom of His Son! And my friends, that is the most comfortable place on earth, the most!! That is your true comfort zone, He love you, and a lover will not want his/her lover to be uncomfortable but on the contrary, to be comfortable! He wants you to be at your true comfort zone, in Christ Jesus.