Something terrible has happen to me...sigh...

I thought by now I would be used to it,
I thought that it should have been routine,
I thought I would not feel terrible again,
I thought it will be a breeze, a walk in the park,
I thought all these things and it turns out.....

I am not used to it,
It is still not routine,
Surely not a walk in the park,
Definitely not a breeze,
It is tough,
It is difficult,
It makes me dull.

Never knew it would be still so bad,
The bitter taste I the mouth,
The lousy feeling,
The butterflies in the stomach,
The nauseating feeling,
Such is the state of things.

It is food gone bad,
It is the gall's bitterness,
It's rotten fish,
It's lousy fruits.

I guess I just underestimated it,
Again and again I falter,
I stumble.

It's a terrible thing,
It's an awful thing,
It's an unpleasant event,
It is you darling,
It is you not being close to me,
It is knowing that when I go home, my eyes are not laid upon you,
It is you and you and you, not here.

Dearest Carmen,
I miss you,
I miss you terribly,
I miss you awfully,
I bitterly and sorely miss you.

For you dearie,
For you only,
Jer Wei